Bathroom Storytime
by best with breadsticks
Summary: One Shot: Chad Dylan Cooper does not read. Reading is for squares. And Chad Dylan Cooper is not a square. He's more of a rectangle.


Author's Note: So, this is based around the book Chad never read in _Sonny: So Far_, as well as the tiger mentioned in _Hart to Hart_. It seems a bit strange, or at least it is to me... I don't know. This is the second of four one-shots I've been writing on and off (the first was "Cooties and Cookies"). The other two should be finished soon. I really wanted to just finish this story. It was hanging around unfinished on my computer for too long. Anyway, I'm sorry if Chad and Sonny are little weird in this story. I think they don't sound right, but I don't know. I'm not a good judge when it comes to my own writing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own _Sonny With a Chance_ or _Burger King._

***

Sonny stood outside Chad's bathroom, battling in her mind whether or not to just wait for him to come out or get bust right in there. She knew she didn't need to worry about walking in on him doing anything she really didn't want to see, for Grady had given her the general blueprints of Chad's bathroom. This had given her the information that the actual bathroom in this "bathroom" was towards the back behind a whole waiting room of stuff.

She bit her lip, tapping her foot on the carpet, staring at the door. To open or not to open – that is the question.

She spun around, glancing back at the hallway that lay behind her. No one was there, so really it was "safe" for her to just bust her way in.

Sonny turned back around, before reaching out here arms, and pushing into bathroom with an oomph of energy. The blinding white light that began burning her eyes, almost caused her to spin around and get out there. But she proceeded forward in complete blind fashion, running straight into something that felt like metal cage.

There was a moment when she was entirely disoriented, but soon enough she realized what her body was pressed against. A metal cage? What did Grady say was in here that could probably hurt her, besides Chad?

There was an echoing sound that filled the air, which caused Sonny to jump. She fell forward and hit the ground.

She remembered now what Grady had told her was in here. There was apparently a tiger roaming around Chad's bathroom.

The thought crossed her mind, but it took a second for her to really think about what a tiger meant. A tiger was a dangerous cat…_dangerous_. Something that could tear her apart if it wanted to. Her breath caught in her throat.

She stumbled to stand up, tripping over her feet as she tried her very best to flee from the cage and the terrifying lion that it contained.

Darn that Chad Dylan Cooper for keeping exotic animals in his bathroom. One would think it would be awkward to have such a creature in the place where you _go_, but apparently that doesn't bother him. What was _wrong _with that boy?

Sonny groaned as she pulled herself up from the floor and threw herself behind pinball machine just across the room. Hopefully, that monster could attack her from over here

"You're _really _that afraid, Munroe?" Chad's voice floated into the waiting area of his bathroom, before he himself appeared holding a comb. "I thought you were more the type to laugh in the face of danger, rather than hide from it."

"Chad," she started, stilled hiding herself behind the pinball machine. "You have a full grown _tiger_ in your _bathroom_. And you think there's something wrong with _me_?" She stood up next to the pinball machine, only to jump back behind it when another roar came from the cage just across the room.

Chad laughed. "Have you looked at my "tiger"?" He made air-quotes when he said the word tiger.

Sonny shook her head, peeking out just above the top of the pinball machine. "No, I didn't."

Sonny watched as Chad strolled over to the cage, and very great ease opened the lock, thus freeing the creature inside. Sonny felt her stomach drop. He was letting lose a wild _animal _into the room they were in. All she could think about was the fact that being locked in a cage all day might make her _hungry_…and since she would feel hunger, the _tiger _would _definitely _be hungry.

She glanced around room quickly. There were only two choices for this beast to quench his hunger, herself or Chad. She silently hoped it would be Chad for even having such a dangerous animal in is bathroom in the first place. That was just plain stupid on his part.

"And here she is," Chad announced as soon as the tiger was outside the cage. Sonny felt herself inwardly cringe, as she waited quietly behind the pinball machine for Chad to be mauled by his _pet_. She didn't want to watch whatever was about to happen, so she kept her head pressed against her knees.

After a few moments, nothing had happened at all.

Sonny scrunched her face in confusion, before strongly willing herself to poke her head up just above the pinball machine once more to look over at Chad. He was standing there holding something in his arms that looked like a…_kitten._

He saw her looking and held up the baby cat in his arms. "Are you going to look at her, or do I have to just put her back?"

"You have a cat!?" Sonny responded in a more than surprised tone.

Chad did not look like the kind of person to have any sort of animal. And after that whole puppy shoving incident one would think Chad Dylan Cooper would be the very last person on the planet to have such a cute little orange, striped kitten resting in his arms.

He furrowed his brow. "Yes, I have a cat._ Obviously_," he motioned to the kitten his arms.

Sonny moved into a complete upright position, her bottom half still hidden by the pinball machine. "This isn't another rental, right? This cat is _really _yours. You didn't just pay someone a hundred dollars to keep it for a couple hours, right?"

"Sonny, would I lie to you?" He tried to give her the most sincere look he could conjure.

"Honestly, Chad, it wouldn't be the first time." She shook her, before moving over towards him and the cat. She reached out to hold the small animal in his arms. She grinned up at him when he gave her a confused look.

"Can I please?" She asked, reaching her arms out further. He rolled his eyes, handing the kitten over to Sonny, who cooed upon holding the baby in her arms. She scratched the kitten's head, and smiled.

"Aren't you the cutest little thing?" Sonny held the kitten up to her eye level and rubbed noses with it. "Yes, you are. Yes you are." She giggled as the baby cat purred softly, nudging its face towards Sonny's. The fluffy baby animal rubbed its face against Sonny's cheek, tickling her with its whiskers.

Chad rolled his eyes, picking up the comb he had set down earlier. He continued to comb his hair until it reached more than perfection, because it was already at perfection, he was just going the extra mile. He watched Sonny very carefully while he fixed his hair, he couldn't let her get too cuddly with his kitten. There was a chance she might try to take it from him. And his mother might not be too happy, considering it was hers.

"And where did you get this little cutie? And do they have a name?" Sonny turned to Chad finally after ignoring him for nearly two minutes to be all cutesy with the kitten.

"One," Chad reached out and took the kitten from Sonny. "This cat technically isn't mine. It's my mom's. She thinks that I can watch it at work – for whatever reason – and so, I have to bring it with me."

Sonny cut in quickly, thinking about the metal cage the poor little thing was trapped in. "And you keep it locked up _all_ day? Chad, that's horrible. You're mother trusted you with her precious baby, and you just lock it away. You don't come see it, you just—"

Chad held up his hand. "I wasn't finished. Don't be so rude, Munroe. _And_ since Mr. Condor doesn't like animals running around, I have to keep her hidden until I come watch her myself. And two, her name is Hera, because she – next to my mother – is the queen of the Cooper household."

Chad paused for a moment, before speaking again with an insulted tone. "And by the way, _I'm_ my mother's precious baby."

"I don't know about the precious part, but definitely the baby." Sonny grinned, petting Hera's head once more. It was then that some lying on the pinball machine caught her eye. She strolled over and lifted the item laying there up so she could see what it was.

A _book?_

"Sonny, why do you always seem to feel the need to just walk around and pick up whatever you feel like? This is _my _bathroom, if you couldn't remember?" Chad set Hera down before walking over and snatching the book from Sonny's hands. "And I don't appreciate you just bursting in here and touching everything."

"Chad," Sonny stole the book back. "Is _this_ the book you were supposed to read for Gotcha with Gilroy Smith? _Where Did Puppy Go?_ By Mikayla Olivia. Really, Chad, _really_?" Sonny held the book up and shook it in front of his face.

He swatted her arm down. "So what if it is? Why does it matter to you whether or not I finished some stupid book?"

"Because this book is only ten pages long and you couldn't even finish it!" Sonny opened to the first page and showed it to him. "Look, it's a picture book. You couldn't sit and read a _picture_ book."

"It's not a picture book." He grabbed the book from here and opened up to the third page and started to read. "_The puppy walked through the fluffy field of flowers. The flowers were red and green. The puppy liked them_."

He turned to her and motioned to the three sentences he had just read. "See, this isn't a picture book. It's got valuable information in it. Did you know the puppy liked the flowers before I read it to you? _No_," he shook his head.

"Chad, this is a book for kindergarteners. It even says _My First Book _on the front." She reached over and seized the book from him. She then gestured to the tiny white box on the front cover that had the words 'My First Book' in red colored font.

"Hey, hey, hey," he pointed at her. "That _was_ my first book. My grandmother bought it for me for my sixteenth birthday. She thought I start early on my reading." He grinned.

Sonny's only response was a confused look. She stared at him for a moment before saying anything.

"Chad, your grandmother bought you a baby book for your _sixteenth _birthday?"

"Oh," he looked embarrassed, but at the same time, unfazed. "Did I say sixteenth? I meant sixth. But what's the difference. I wasn't going to read it at either age. Reading is for squares. And Chad Dylan Cooper is not a square."

"Yeah, you're more of a rectangle." Sonny nodded, flipping through the pages of the book. She glanced her eyes up at him, plotting in an idea in her head about what do with the book in her hands. There was only one way Chad Dylan Cooper was going to finish this baby book, if she read it to him; like a mother and her child.

Chad was becoming bored with Sonny's flipping of the pages, so he continued with the combing of his flawlessly perfect hair. He smirked at himself in one of the many mirrors that was hanging on the walls of his bathroom.

"Oh, _Chad_," a smirk danced across Sonny's face, as she shook the book in her hand. "How about we read a little _story_?"

Chad furrowed his brow and turned to face Sonny. "A little…_story_? Sonny, who are you? My mother?"

"No," she walked over to stand beside him. "I just think it's ridiculous that you couldn't even get through a baby book. Come on," she grabbed his forearms and tugged him towards the couch where Hera was now napping.

"_Sonny_," Chad complained, pulling in the opposite direction. "I have _so _much important stuff to do. Like fix my hair." He checked in the mirror to make sure it was still looking good, though it never actually did look bad.

Sonny rolled her eyes, heaving him behind her. He struggled a bit more, trying to hold his own as a manly man. But, eventually, he sighed and gave in to following behind her. Sonny smirked at her accomplishment, as she led him to the couch. They sat side by side with Sonny holding the book so they could both see.

"Now, Chad," she began, "Do you want to read the title, or do I have to?" She motioned to the front cover of the book.

"Well, considering you already read the title of the book, I'm going to let you take this one." Chad shifted in his seat, as Hera crept onto his lap, leaving bright orange hair scattered upon his khaki pants. He grunted, lifted the kitten from his lap and setting her down, before he commenced to brushing himself off furiously.

"It's a good thing I'm trying to keep a good rep when it comes to being an puppy and kitten loving heartthrob, or else I might actually have to do—" Chad was cut off by Sonny.

"Chad, we are reading a heartwarming tale about a puppy, not talking about your issues. Now, read the title so we can get this party started." Sonny shoved the book into his hands. He took it and opened to the title page.

"You know what, Sonny? This isn't Burger King. You can't always have it your way." He replied with a bit of sass in his tone.

"Chad, read the book." Sonny commanded.

"Fine then," he said as he started at the title page for a moment. "_Where Did Puppy Go? _By Mikayla Olivia. And now," he set the book on her lap, "This is your part." He pointed at the words on the opening page of the book.

Sonny rolled her eyes and took the book back. "_One day, the littlest puppy of the family decided to take a long walk. He walked all the way to the big city_." She motioned to the pictures on the page, making sure Chad was paying attention.

"Do you see the pictures, Chad?" He was staring off into dead space. Sonny smacked him with the paperback book. He recoiled, reaching his opposite arm to the one she had just hit.

"Hey, what's the big idea? I'm paying attention." He protested. "You were just rambling on about some puppy. See, I know what's going on here." He snatched the book from her, and began waving it at her to emphasize the message.

"Chad," Sonny grabbed the book back from him. "Listen, please."

He shook his head, rolling his eyes. "Fine, I'll read the next page if you want me to." He pointed to the next page in the book.

Sonny smiled, happy that Chad was finally going to go along with and be cooperative when it came to reading the baby book. Maybe, just maybe he was actually growing up.

"Oh, well, thank you, Chad. I'm glad to see that you're finally takin—" Sonny halted her speech when she looked down at the page Chad was point at. The page was blank when it came words. It was a just a picture of the puppy sitting on a busy street in the city, nothing more.

"_Chad_," the irritation was highly present in Sonny's voice. "There isn't anything to read on this page."

"Well, of course not." Chad smirked. "I told you before Chad Dylan Cooper does _not _read because reading is for squares. And, as you pointed out, I'm apparently a rectangle." His smirk increased into a full grin before Sonny's eyes.

"You are unbelievable!" Sonny stood up from where she was sitting, causing the book to fall in the process. "I am trying to do something considerate, and I was hoping – just hoping – that maybe – just maybe – you might _actually_ be cooperative and at least go along with it. And maybe, I thought, you might actually _enjoy _reading."

"Well, I didn't exactly tell you to burst into my bathroom, upset my kitten, and read me some stupid story. So, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I have got a ton of important things to do. So," he stood, grabbing his comb, "If you don't mind, I have things to do." He turned away from her and walked out of the lobby of his bathroom.

Sonny stared at the door Chad had just left through. She sighed, falling back onto the couch. Hera crawled up and onto her lap. She pet her gently, sighing every once in a while, gazing at the book lying on the ground.

Sonny lifted Hera up to her face level. "How in the world do you live with _that_?"

***

Sonny had left nearly a half an hour ago, and Chad had finally come back into the lobby, finding the book still lying on the ground. He strolled over to it and picked it up, flipping the pages unconsciously as he paced back to the couch.

Hera stretched and crawled up on the couch next to Chad, rubbing herself against him.

He sighed. "I guess I should actually finish this, shouldn't I? Then maybe – just _maybe_ – apologize to Sonny…" He glanced over at Hera, who let out a yawn and curled up next to Chad on the couch. Chad opened the book and began to read it out loud to Hera.

From the doorway, Sonny could hear Chad mumbling something. She listened closely to hear the story of puppy that had gotten lost. Smiling, she pushed open the door just enough to see Chad sitting on the couch reading to Hera on his lap.

"_And finally,_" Chad was one the final page of the book, _"puppy had come home. The end._ Well, Sonny's right," he started sarcastically, "that _definitely _was a literary classic."

"You hear that, Sonny?" Chad called to her, not knowing she was just outside the door. "I, Chad Dylan Cooper, finished a book."

Sonny smiled even wider, knowing the back of her mind, she had helped him. Even if he didn't think she had done anything for him at all. She felt better knowing that he at _least_ finished one book in his life.

Chad smirked at the closed book his lap, before chucking it across the room. He watched it fall to the floor with a satisfying flop.

"And I, Chad Dylan Cooper, hereby decree it was the _worst_ experience of my life. So, take that, Munroe. You have terrible taste in children's books."

Sonny smile dropped. She felt something brushing up against her leg. She looked down to see Hera cuddling around her leg. Sonny leaned over and lifted the kitten up from the ground, holding her up to her face.

Hera meowed loudly in Sonny's face.

"I hear you." Sonny nodded. "Chad's a jerk."

***

Author's Note: So yeah, I still think Chad and Sonny are weird in this story. Somethings off about them. And it doesn't help that I didn't really like the ending. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Hera is the queen on the gods in Grecian Mythology. That's why I refered to her as the second "Queen" of the Cooper household. I hope it was enjoyable. Thank you for reading!


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